Being able to read people greatly affects how you interact with them. When you understand how the other person feels, you can adapt your behavior to influence them effectively. You will be able to understand when you are being lied to or when people are hiding their true motives.
We gathered these tips from the pages of Lara Kaye's blog. She worked for the FBI for 23 years and now shares her knowledge and experience with people who want to improve their communication skills.
Establish A Baseline Of Behavior
People are very different in the expression of their emotions. Whether we are happy, calm, or uncomfortable, we all manifest them a little differently. Meanwhile, all the textbooks on profiling give us a standardized picture.
Someone constantly blinks or scratches his head because he is worried, or does he just has it as a harmless habit? This is the baseline of behavior, the way a person behaves under familiar conditions, as well as his or her individual characteristics.
It is very important to determine a person's baseline behavior before interpreting his behavior. Knowing how he behaves in a calm, relaxed state, you can easily notice the slightest deviations, which will be the key to understanding his thoughts.
Sometimes you don't have enough time to determine a baseline, for example, when you meet someone (especially when you see him for the first time, you have no idea what he is like in normal life). In that case, you need to make the person as comfortable as possible from the first seconds, which will help him feel natural. And only then can you move on to difficult topics that will ruin that comfort (and therefore the baseline).
Watch For Deviations
Now that you know the baseline of behavior, watch for the slightest deviation from it. For example, a person has a habit of spreading his arms wide on the table if he is in a good mood. And then, as you began to negotiate the deadline for a project, he suddenly crosses his hands, while his foot begins to tap lightly on the floor. His behavior has deviated from the baseline, this is a signal that both his thoughts and his inner state have changed. The person has clearly felt discomfort.
Perhaps he realizes that he won't make it by the deadline, but he doesn't want to refuse you. This is a sign that you need to go deeper into the subject, to find the cause of his discomfort and deal with it. And in exactly the same (similar) way you should act in any other situation.
Pay Attention To Groups Of Gestures
Sometimes a person really has an itchy nose, and he rubs it not because of excitement nor stress. Sometimes a person changes his or her posture, not because of a change in his or her inner state, but because of a stiff leg. One non-verbal or verbal signal never says anything for sure. It may be an accident or an exception to the rule.
Pay attention only to combinations of gestures that say the same thing. If a person fidgeted in a chair, while scratching his neck, and his voice went up, it is already a reliable sign of stress. Learn this by heart "only a set of signals tells about the person's condition."
Compare And Contrast
So, you notice that the person acts a little differently than usual. Go ahead and see if he repeats his behavior with other people in your group or under different circumstances. For example, leave him alone for a while, and watch him from the side.
This will help you understand the sincerity of his non-verbal behavior and determine its reasons. If he behaves normally with other people, then either he is insincere with you, or it is you or what you say that is the cause of his discomfort.
Look In The "Mirror"
Mirror neurons are special cells in our brain that are responsible for empathy. If the other person smiles, the mirror neurons are triggered, and we smile, too. They help us feel and empathize with other people.
When we see someone we like, our eyebrows arch, our facial muscles relax, our head leans forward, and blood flows to our lips to fill them. In the opposite situation, the body's reactions are correspondingly different.
If your partner doesn't reciprocate this behavior, it means his mirror neurons didn't work, something stronger has suppressed them. This is a signal that says your partner didn't like you (or your actions) and didn't reciprocate his feelings. The dislike has blocked the mirror neurons.
The other person is your mirror, and if you are not reflected in it, something has gone wrong. Pay special attention to this.
Be Aware Of The Context
Context determines everything. Never forget this, or your attempts to read someone are doomed to failure. A person can cross his arms for at least three reasons:
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He feels insecure.
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He feels cold.
- He is not well.
But for some reason, popular psychology blogs talk about only one reason. You have to consider all of them and combine them with the context of the situation.
This situation can also be approached from another angle. Suppose you notice a certain context of a situation that suggests the appearance of some feelings and their non-verbal signs in the observed person. But they don't appear for some reason. This is already a serious irregularity that also needs a little investigation.
Pay Attention To Keywords
In fact, nonverbal cues are not the only way to get inside another person's head. According to Lara Kay, verbs have the most meaning and significance in human speech. They provide the main essence of the thoughts expressed, and it is on them that you should pay maximum attention.
For example, your boss says: "I have decided to work with brand X." The keyword here is "decided. It is the word that most closely resembles the boss himself, his inner state, and his thoughts. This word indicates several things:
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Your boss is probably not impulsive. He didn't say: "I will partner with
brand X," which would indicate an instant decision.
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He's weighing several options. The boss has made a decision, which means
he was choosing it from some set of other options.
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Having multiple options indicates that he was thinking the situation
through.
Just one keyword helps to draw a lot of conclusions about the inner state of the person and his thoughts. The more of these words you analyze, the better you get into the chain of thoughts of the interlocutor.
Summary
The art of reading a person lies in carefully observing his actions and words, as well as in the correct interpretation of signals. Now you know one of the simplest algorithms for profiling:
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Determine a baseline line of behavior before you start observing.
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Watch for deviations from the baseline.
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Evaluate not single signals, but their combinations.
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Compare how the person behaves in different situations and with different
people.
- See how your behavior is reflected in the other person's actions;
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Only interpret behavior in context.
- Pay attention to keywords that reflect the person's train of thought.
If you want to get closer to professionalism in reading people, you can improve your skills by checking more of our content. If the information obtained is enough for you, then do not forget to apply it in practice, and your communication with others will become better and more constructive.
We wish you success!
And as always...
Many thanks for reading.
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